Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
COCAINE IS GR8
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
