Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
