I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
