I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
