I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
