Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Pants are for mortals
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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