I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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