You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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