I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
