he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
