But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
