Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
