I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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