dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
