I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
