I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
