Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
