covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
