More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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