I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
