wat bout pragnant strippers??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
