somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
