The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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