I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
