Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
