How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
