I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
