It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
