So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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