You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
