I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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