If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
