Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
