if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
tell me about the fingering
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