Is it normal to miss your booty call?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
