Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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