i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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