i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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