Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Houston, we have a squirter
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
