I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
