Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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