The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
