thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
