see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
