i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
