Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
