I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
