Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
