Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
