i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
